Being Rejected- In Job Searching and Dating.

I'm not sure which is worse, getting ghosted by a potential partner or a potential job.

I can certainly say I’ve had more experience with the latter, which I'm not sure is the norm.

Either way, getting rejected sucks. 

There is no way around it. You put yourself out there, show them who you are, show them who you could be, only for them to say “Thanks, but I don't see the potential,” or “I’ve found someone else who might be a better fit.” Or maybe they say nothing at all. It's a one-and-done situation. Even after you submit writing samples or have met their entire friend group. Maybe, you were flat-out ghosted.

To survive being in your 20s without being rejected by at least one job or one potential partner seems nearly impossible.

It makes it even worse too, when your gut was telling you it may not be the best fit, but you weren't ready to acknowledge it. Or maybe you were but still didn't get to end things on your terms. 

Regardless, what I'm trying to say is it is okay to acknowledge that getting the anti-ghosting text is a bummer or an email saying “We’ve appreciated all your time and effort but after careful consideration have chosen to move in a different direction…” isn't the best feeling.

I've had that happen in both of my searches- where I feel in my gut that this is not the job for me but I want a job, so I continue to the final round only to be ghosted. Or maybe I knew this person wasn’t treating me how I deserved, but I was excited about the possibility of a relationship. 

The key word is A- A job, not THAT job; A relationship, not THAT relationship.

It's easy when deep in the search of finding your perfect job and finding your perfect partner to lose sight of what it is you really want. It’s easy to settle, and we don't want to do that.

So here I am again, a single, unemployed, girl in her 20s, offering some tips and tricks on how to handle the brutality that is being rejected- in both job hunting and dating. 

First things first. 

As I mentioned in the past article, linked here, to set yourself up for success I’d recommend mapping out your priorities and boundaries, so you have clear ideas of what you want from your ideal partner and dream job. This way, we're only rejected at least by situations worth getting rejected from. 

When I'm rejected by something (or someone) that I just wasn't the right fit, I feel kind of powerless. As someone who loves control, it can be a harder pill to swallow.

Therefore, try to be intentional with where you are putting your energy. Time is precious and when you are dating and job searching it can be easy to put your whole days into overanalyzing texts from potential suitors or over-applying on LinkedIn and Indeed.

Make sure you still have other hobbies and creative outlets during this chaotic period of your life. It can be easy to slip into a hole where being single and unemployed feel like your defining factors. But they aren’t. And even if you think they are, they don't have to be bad things. 

Being single and/or unemployed allows you time to focus on yourself, better yourself, and turn yourself into whatever version of you you want to be. 

Therefore, I recommend trying something new, something that gives you a reason to wake up in the morning besides clocking into that nine-to-five. Something that you can look forward to after work and on the weekends. 

For me, this was leaning on friends, pet sitting, getting jacked (aka going to pilates), and painting. It’s easier to deal with the rejection of not getting a second date or second interview when it is just a blimp in your super-packed, amazing day, or weekend. 

Secondly, now is a good time to remind you that one job not wanting your employment, does not define you. Just like one person not having mutual feelings does not mean your next love isn't just right around the corner.

It's easy when getting that rejection email, text, or call to turn inward and think, what did I do wrong? And sometimes, when I’m getting rejected in either scenario I’ll even ask that question.

For jobs, it may sound something like this.

“While I understand the decision, I would appreciate any feedback you could provide on my candidacy for the position. Could you share any insights that would help me improve for future opportunities?" 

For partners I usually dumb it down.

“Was there something specific I did wrong, or could have done better to support you through ___ situation?” 

I will note; that oftentimes it is harder to ask for feedback when being rejected by a partner, especially when earlier on, because it could be that there isn't really a good solid reason. They might just not be that into you, and that's okay! Getting rejected doesn’t always need to be a huge personal deal.

And I know what you're thinking. “But Caitlin, my single unemployed life guru!! They literally got to know me and then turned me down. How could that not be personal.”

Well…I know you’ve rejected people before. Whether it was that dude that sat next to you in Mrs. Smith's 9th-grade geometry class- he always smelled a little funky. Or maybe that weirdo regular at your favorite dive bar. Ooo remember even that super hot French guy from Tinder? He was all looks and no brains, and you knew you would never marry, yet you went on three dates with him because you loved the way he spoke when ordering your “cafe au lait and chocolate croissant”. 

I may have gotten a little carried away, but what I’m saying is rejection is a normal part of life. Everyone, even Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce have been rejected, by someone or something.

So as cheesy as it sounds, flip the script and allow yourself to see rejection as redirection.

Which brings us to point number three. It is important to change your mindset from seeing being rejected as solely a sad item to viewing it as an opportunity for change, growth, and even learning.

This mindset shift, from seeing everything viewed as negative to some of it actually being positive will make going through the job and soul mate searching a lot easier. As well as dealing with the outcomes of both of those items. 

It also just makes life in general a little more exciting. Allows you to see what past less-than-great situations look like in a new light. Moreover, it also allows you the power to not make those same mistakes again.

We can't control what happens to us, but we can control how much we allow rejection to affect us, as well as how we plan to move on and respond. 

That is the whole point of this article. Instead of moping around forever, a little moping day or two is always justified (in my opinion at least!), we should be using the negative rejection to reinvent ourselves, become more productive members of society, and study up on how we can secure the next job or next love that comes our way.

Because as the age-old saying goes “When life knocks you down, get right back up, have a glass of champagne!! Then keep going!”

I may have added some Caitlin flare there.